A Single Parent who isn't Single....

Single Parent: A single parent is a parent who parents alone. It means there is an absence of the other parent as opposed to a co-parent, meaning that the parent is not the only parent regardless of whether or not they are a couple.

Its 2018 we all know the term single parent, maybe you are one, maybe you dated one who know but we all know what it means. After my divorce I started “dating” again and by that I mean I went out on a few dates and then we didn’t talking again. I knew I wasn’t ready yet for a relationship because I was still trying to figure me out and what I wanted. Once I was ready for a serious relationship I met this amazing man that I just clicked with. He is everything I want and it took me completely by surprise when I met him. I was suddenly in a world I didn’t know how to navigate seriously dating as a single parent…...how does that even work?

Starting a relationship is hard...both parties have been hurt and don’t want to relive that experience. With me the challenge was I was never anyone’s first choice in the relationship area. I was always second best or the “just there” person, so I have a tendency to feel unwanted. I have been told I don’t make sense or I ask too much, all of these past scars will forever haunt me. I will always have days where I don’t feel good enough or wanted doesn’t matter who I’m with. But dating is a hard world when you have issues like that.

The first month of my relationship was easy, he and I were getting to know each other and everything just clicked. By the second month I knew. It sounds crazy but I knew this was going to be a long haul deal and I was so ready and excited for that. There is just one issue….my boyfriend doesn’t have kids and has never been married. Now most would think that’s not an issue that a good thing! Less drama! And you would be wrong. In fact I have noticed it causes more drama. Now before y’all get the pitch forks and knives let me explain. I was a wife and a mother for 4 ½ years, I default to taking care of everyone because it’s what I do now. That’s how I show people I love them. I want to take care of them. In this new thing it’s so hard...because I default to putting everything on the line..I let down my guard and I become so incredibly vulnerable. I start doing things like canceling plans with friends because I would rather be in my apartment with him….I start not making plans because I want to spend time with him. I do all of that because I care about him so much and I love being with him more than anything. I do all of that because that is how life works once you have a family. You life is no longer friends and going out to eat and running around….it’s being home in sweatpants no makeup and Netflix. That is what I want in my life.

But he doesn’t get this….he hasn’t had that before. He doesn’t understand I’m already to the point where I would gladly make those sacrifices. That I am willing to make this relationship(which by the way has been longer than 2 months I promise lol) a #2 priority since my daughter will always be my #1. Being a single parent is hard...but being a single parent while in a relationship is even harder! I have this person I want to turn to with all my problems someone I want to lean on….and I can’t.. we have all been there, kids running crazy, house a mess, and we are all about one Paw Patrol theme song away from losing our sh*t...but when you have a partner someone who is helping you raise this child somehow it all just falls into place. Yeah everything maybe crazy but someone has my back…..Someone is there to hold me and love me when I can’t love myself.

Dating is hard enough when all you have to worry about is getting your heart broken. Building a relationship is hard when you’re trying to fit two lives into one but throw a kid into that and it becomes almost impossible!

This post isn't full of advice or saying that I have the answers because I dont, not by a long shot, but I want other single parents out there to know you're not alone! Trying to find a balance of working, parenting, kids, house work, friends, family, and a new relationship can be so hard! Just remember to breath and the right person will stick it out even when things get crazy.