The big D.

Tonight, my husband and I had a conversation that when I first got married I never thought I’d have. Tonight wasn’t like most nights tonight was a rough night after barely talking most of today we talked about divorcing. We had this talk after spending weeks fighting after 7 long years of a relationship that had ups and down. Tonight I realized how far apart we had drifted in the world of parenting. Not saying that all marriages are doomed to fail because of kids but our had a lot of issues from the start. Call us horrible people or what have you but he’s cheated on me which caused me to cheat on him. I remember saying to myself before I cheated on him the first time 2 years ago but at least he doesn’t hit me, if the worst I have to deal with is cheating then that’s okay, right?

I was very wrong in feeling that way, his cheating destroyed me and caused my depression to become so much worse, trust issues and self-image issues. I remember looking in a mirror and saying to myself maybe I’m not good enough, what if I had just looked more like her, maybe it’s because I have stretch marks and I don’t look like I used to, but after the one this past October something in me snapped. I realized that nothing I did was going to fix his cheating habit and that only he can change it that it's all on him, I DIDN’T CAUSE HIM TO CHEAT! I understand how bad it makes you feel the first time your spouse or significant other cheats on you and I can promise you the pain gets better the trust issues on the other hand don’t, you never truly trust that person you once gave your all to.

I know everything here tonight sounds so negative, but I promise if you’re a man or woman going threw this right now things will get better. If you’re able to work things out and he/she never does it again then great! I’m happy for you! But if you’re like me and never trust them again and wonder what your life would be like without them and have emotional connections with another (my form of cheating :/) then please don’t stay for the children because it won’t get better, you will start to fight and become bitter with one another and your children will see that and they will begin to act out and hurt. Yes, they will hurt for a little bit after the split, but things will get better! Children are more resilient than we realize and bounce back pretty quickly.